People have their own favourite type of potato. Some like Arran Pilot, or some go crazy for Desiree, others think Cara is the best.
But for me there is only one.
Breakfast, dinner or tea,
It's got to be a Heathcliff, the Gothic Potato.
Being Gothic, this potato enjoys being buried and regularly earthed up with soil. It likes being shielded from direct sunlight. It welcomes darkness and shadow.
It prefers to be planted on its own. No rows of trenches for this solitary one.
It yearns to be buried upon a bleak and dreary windswept moor near an old ruin of a crumbling castle, belching out bats and within earshot of howling, yowling hounds and screeching ravens. Ideally in the distance a baleful bell tolls.
It’s best to plant it on a mysteriously misty night under the gloomy gaze of a pallid moon. Singing sad laments as one digs deeper.
So much the better if tended by a demented maiden named Annabel Lee. who’s mourning her true love lost at sea. For her tears of sadness and woe will bring much comfort to this moody and morose potato.
The Gothic Potato is better as it is not afflicted by those common problems that other potatoes suffer from - Blight, scab, wireworm and thrips.
No, its problems are despair, doubt and deep despondency and a haunting feeling that one is being pursued by an unknown enemy or burdened by ominous ancient curses.
The appearance is different too. The other potatoes are red, yellow or brown.
But the gothic potato is shrouded in a veil of deathly white.
Some say it looks strange and grotesque, but I think it looks quirky.
It has a mysterious taste with a tantalysing tang of torment and torture.
Perfect for roasting or being mashed.
Simon is a writer from England. He seeks solitude and shadow.
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